Thank you Francis Chan.
I have heard this sermon a few times before, but it never hit me as it did today. "Rejoice in the Lord" isn't a suggestion, but a commandment. When I don't have all of the answers, when I am prone to worry instead of giving it over to God, when I pray and still worry (which is my go-to attitude more often than not), I am not trusting the God of the universe. And that is my problem.
So, God, thank you for the reminder that all is in your hands. Thank you for caring about me more than I care about myself or even my own family.
Thank you.
(video uploaded on May 19th at 10:22 am. When I should have been getting ready for church ;) )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmZcXSORV0M
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Trusting God when you have absolutely no control, counting my blessings...Or not.
There is an ironic-ness in the title of this post. Because does anyone really have any control over anything? As a Christian I have to say no. God is the one in control. But I do enjoy having the illusion of control in my life. That is, until my children are concerned.
I have 3 children. I love them with my whole heart, but I wish they would have stayed 10, 8, and 6, respectively, forever. But, they are 20, (almost) 18, and (almost) 16, and I am panicky. The oldest is finishing up his second year of college and is transferring to a larger school in September. The middle is getting ready to go away to college in the fall. The youngest is still home for 2 more years, so I actually don't feel so panicky about him.
But the other 2, that is totally another topic! Especially the middle one, our daughter. I am panicky over financial aid. I know, in the grand scheme of things, 10 years from now, it really won't be that big of an issue. Sure, she will be paying back her schooling for the rest of her life, but at least it will be settled. Right?
Right now I am caught up in the recurring topic of what ifs... But I am really tired of it.
Those of us with obsessive personalities understand this. I don't want to worry, I am tired of worrying, I will not worry any longer...but what if... And so it goes.
I look up inspiring thoughts on the internet and what I get is Francis Chan telling me I am ego-centric and sinful because I think my problem is bigger that God, my life is more important than God's will. OK, I don't really need to hear that right now. It doesn't inspire me to stop worrying. It actually makes it worse.
I think I should pray about it. But then I think that all of my prayers lately have been about, "God help me do this. God make this better..." and I realize what a sinful creature I am and so unworthy. Then I give up. Of course the rational side of me knows better. Knows that God isn't like that. But my upbringing has a stronger effect on me than the truth of scripture (in my upbringing it was, "Jesus is coming soon, make sure you are always right with God. Make sure you never have any unconfessed sin or you'll go to Hell." Grace? That's for the new believer, not for those of you brought up in the faith...).
Which leads me to where I am now. A control freak without control. Someone who needs to remember the blessings in my life (of course, that leads me to think I have had nothing but a blessed life, so who am I to think that it can continue...).
Last year, I chose for my Word of the Year: Trust. I really thought I had a handle on that. I thought I had finally gotten to the point that I understood what it means to trust in God with my whole heart and to lean not on my own understanding. But I guess I didn't. Because here I am a year later sick with worry over something I need to trust God with. Plus, it isn't my life, but my daughter's. And she needs to learn these life lessons.
It is Mother's Day 2013. I will go back to my word of the year from 2012. Trust. And I re-think my word of the year for 2013. I am changing it from Risk, to Prayer. I will re-learn how to trust in God, and I will commit to more prayer about everything not just my want-things.
And I will learn to trust again.
I have 3 children. I love them with my whole heart, but I wish they would have stayed 10, 8, and 6, respectively, forever. But, they are 20, (almost) 18, and (almost) 16, and I am panicky. The oldest is finishing up his second year of college and is transferring to a larger school in September. The middle is getting ready to go away to college in the fall. The youngest is still home for 2 more years, so I actually don't feel so panicky about him.
But the other 2, that is totally another topic! Especially the middle one, our daughter. I am panicky over financial aid. I know, in the grand scheme of things, 10 years from now, it really won't be that big of an issue. Sure, she will be paying back her schooling for the rest of her life, but at least it will be settled. Right?
Right now I am caught up in the recurring topic of what ifs... But I am really tired of it.
Those of us with obsessive personalities understand this. I don't want to worry, I am tired of worrying, I will not worry any longer...but what if... And so it goes.
I look up inspiring thoughts on the internet and what I get is Francis Chan telling me I am ego-centric and sinful because I think my problem is bigger that God, my life is more important than God's will. OK, I don't really need to hear that right now. It doesn't inspire me to stop worrying. It actually makes it worse.
I think I should pray about it. But then I think that all of my prayers lately have been about, "God help me do this. God make this better..." and I realize what a sinful creature I am and so unworthy. Then I give up. Of course the rational side of me knows better. Knows that God isn't like that. But my upbringing has a stronger effect on me than the truth of scripture (in my upbringing it was, "Jesus is coming soon, make sure you are always right with God. Make sure you never have any unconfessed sin or you'll go to Hell." Grace? That's for the new believer, not for those of you brought up in the faith...).
Which leads me to where I am now. A control freak without control. Someone who needs to remember the blessings in my life (of course, that leads me to think I have had nothing but a blessed life, so who am I to think that it can continue...).
Last year, I chose for my Word of the Year: Trust. I really thought I had a handle on that. I thought I had finally gotten to the point that I understood what it means to trust in God with my whole heart and to lean not on my own understanding. But I guess I didn't. Because here I am a year later sick with worry over something I need to trust God with. Plus, it isn't my life, but my daughter's. And she needs to learn these life lessons.
It is Mother's Day 2013. I will go back to my word of the year from 2012. Trust. And I re-think my word of the year for 2013. I am changing it from Risk, to Prayer. I will re-learn how to trust in God, and I will commit to more prayer about everything not just my want-things.
And I will learn to trust again.
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