But the greatest of these is love...

In the past few months I have un-liked and un-followed a variety of Christian pages on Facebook and Twitter. Some have been more liberal leaning and some have been more conservative leaning. While they have differing opinions, they all claim Christ. They all claim that their position is based on scripture. I 'joined' each sight because I believed that they each had something important to say. They each had a view that I thought would at least allow me to critically reflect upon my own view and interpretation of scripture. I like to be challenged, and I thought that they might do that for me.
Instead, they did other things for me. They all made me realize one thing: I now understand why the Church, whether liberal or conservative, has quickly become irrelevant to our society.

The conservatives come across angry, mean, and un-loving. On one sight, I read an article by a young woman who worked for a time in the abortion industry and was now working on the pro-life side. It was an interesting article, and the young woman seemed honest and sincere, really wanting to help other women. Then I read the comments on the article. Many sounded just like this: "I hope you burn in Hell for all of the death and destruction you have caused." Wow. Whatever happened to love?

The liberals come across snarky, condescending, and intolerant. If you disagree with them, you are a knuckle-dragging caveman. On one sight they had posted a picture of a "redneck" and claimed he was a typical frequenter of a certain fast food chain that serves chicken and is closed on Sundays. When one poster sent a message that basically said it was unkind and stereotypical, the sight posted the comment, called the commenter a "concerned troll" and invited everyone to bash this person- which many did. When anyone defended the poster, they too were called a troll and belittled. Wow. Whatever happened to love?

I know why the Church is irrelevant. It is because we are so busy bashing each other, spreading hatred and anger. Because if that is how we treat each other- how much worse will we treat others? Why would anyone want to be a part of that? We have forgotten what Paul encouraged us in 1 Corinthians:

The Way of Love
13 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and fkind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, eendures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

ESV — 1 Corinthians 13

Thank you Francis Chan

Thank you Francis Chan.
I have heard this sermon a few times before, but it never hit me as it did today. "Rejoice in the Lord" isn't a suggestion, but a commandment. When I don't have all of the answers, when I am prone to worry instead of giving it over to God, when I pray and still worry (which is my go-to attitude more often than not), I am not trusting the God of the universe. And that is my problem.
So, God, thank you for the reminder that all is in your hands. Thank you for caring about me more than I care about myself or even my own family.
Thank you.

(video uploaded on May 19th at 10:22 am. When I should have been getting ready for church ;)  )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmZcXSORV0M

Trusting God when you have absolutely no control, counting my blessings...Or not.

There is an ironic-ness in the title of this post. Because does anyone really have any control over anything? As a Christian I have to say no. God is the one in control. But I do enjoy having the illusion of control in my life. That is, until my children are concerned.
I have 3 children. I love them with my whole heart, but I wish they would have stayed 10, 8, and 6, respectively, forever. But, they are 20, (almost) 18, and (almost) 16, and I am panicky. The oldest is finishing up his second year of college and is transferring to a larger school in September. The middle is getting ready to go away to college in the fall. The youngest is still home for 2 more years, so I actually don't feel so panicky about him.
But the other 2, that is totally another topic! Especially the middle one, our daughter. I am panicky over financial aid. I know, in the grand scheme of things, 10 years from now, it really won't be that big of an issue. Sure, she will be paying back her schooling for the rest of her life, but at least it will be settled. Right?
Right now I am caught up in the recurring topic of what ifs... But I am really tired of it.
Those of us with obsessive personalities understand this. I don't want to worry, I am tired of worrying, I will not worry any longer...but what if... And so it goes.
I look up inspiring thoughts on the internet and what I get is Francis Chan telling me I am ego-centric and sinful because I think my problem is bigger that God, my life is more important than God's will. OK, I don't really need to hear that right now. It doesn't inspire me to stop worrying. It actually makes it worse.
 I think I should pray about it. But then I think that all of my prayers lately have been about, "God help me do this. God make this better..." and I realize what a sinful creature I am and so unworthy. Then I give up. Of course the rational side of me knows better. Knows that God isn't like that. But my upbringing has a stronger effect on me than the truth of scripture (in my upbringing it was, "Jesus is coming soon, make sure you are always right with God. Make sure you never have any unconfessed sin or you'll go to Hell." Grace? That's for the new believer, not for those of you brought up in the faith...).
Which leads me to where I am now. A control freak without control. Someone who needs to remember the blessings in my life (of course, that leads me to think I have had nothing but a blessed life, so who am I to think that it can continue...).
Last year, I chose for my Word of the Year: Trust. I really thought I had a handle on that. I thought I had finally gotten to the point that I understood what it means to trust in God with my whole heart and to lean not on my own understanding. But I guess I didn't. Because here I am a year later sick with worry over something I need to trust God with. Plus, it isn't my life, but my daughter's. And she needs to learn these life lessons.
It is Mother's Day 2013.  I will go back to my word of the year from 2012. Trust. And I re-think my word of the year for 2013. I am changing it from Risk, to Prayer. I will re-learn how to trust in God, and I will commit to more prayer about everything not just my want-things.
And I will learn to trust again.

I love baseball.  I love to watch it on tv, I love to go to a game.  This summer, when we go back to Illinois to visit my oldest son and my parents I hope to go to a Cubs game as well as a Rockford Riverhawks game.  About 2 years ago, my husband, daughter, youngest son, and a good friend all went to a Cubs game, and something about the atmosphere there struck me.  There was a feeling of ultimate camaraderie.  Although I only knew the other 4 people I was with, I felt like everyone there was on my side.  This got me to thinking, isn't this what Church should be like?  So I sat down and composed a list of reasons why going to Church should be like going to a baseball game.  It is not exhaustive, and I am sure if I had given myself more time I might be able to think up more.

Here are my reasons (in no particular order) why going to Church should be more like going to a baseball game:

1.  High fives when exciting things happen.  High fives for everyone, not just those you came with (this was an exciting part for my daughter.  Something exciting happened- the Cubs actually looked like they might do something ha,ha- and I looked over at my daughter who was high 5ing everyone around her).

2.  Everyone is excited to be there.  No one is there out of duty or obligation.

3.  Everyone sings loudly, regardless of ability.


4.  Food.  And cup holders in the seats.

5.  All ages are there together.  There is no "jr. baseball game" or "teen baseball game" going on at the same time.  Young and old are there cheering the team on together.


6.  No one cares if your child has to use the bathroom 5 times.  (This really happened to me.  Our son had to get up at least 5 times throughout the game.  I kept apologizing to the people down the row and they all said, "No problem! It's part of the game!")

7.  Love of the game is passed down from generation to generation.  This ties in to number 5.  How can you pass down something you love if you are not allowing your child or grandchild to see how much you love it and experience it with you?

8.  People cheer loudly when good things happen, and they suffer together when things don't go our way.



This is my list.  Can you think of any others?

"A conflict of interest"

     I am struggling here, people. I struggle with God on a weekly basis. I don't struggle about my faith. That was over years ago. No, I struggle about Church and what that means. This year has been hell. Hell. When you wake up one day and realize for the last 11 years you have been at a church that only wanted you there for what you could do for them, that no one ever really wanted you there for who you are, and when they don't like what your husband has said or done they turn their back on you. That is when you realize why they never cared about you, because then it is easy to turn away. That hurts. That is a deep hurt that doesn't go away. So you join another group of outcasts from the same group and they want to just repeat everything that has been done. It's a struggle. I am tired of struggling. I want to find a small group of people who are willing to sit together and pray. To take communion. To read the Bible. I don't want the fancy music and a thousand people. I just want a few.
     But that is not what the majority of the western world wants when it comes to church. And that is what makes me miserable each and every Sunday. Because I feel obligated to go with this group. If it were just me, I wouldn't be there. But it is my husband and my children that give me the obligation. Because he feels this is important. So, is it God that is making me uncomfortable, or Satan? That is why I struggle. Because if it were God, wouldn't my husband have this same struggle? But I can't get over the feeling that it is wrong. That I do not feel right about any of this.
     I know that I am guilty of some judgemental attitudes in regards to the people of this place that call themselves Christian. I see that they are having a big "Neighbourhood Block Party" and all I can think is, they just want more people to sit in the pew and give more money to pay off a building that they don't really need in the first place. I know I am not without sin here. So I struggle. I don't "feel" right about this. As I read scripture though, the Church I read about isn't like the Church we have here. And if we are about following scripture, shouldn't we be looking into this as well? So I struggle.
     Probably no one will read this, and that is ok- I am not even sure if any of this makes sense. But it makes sens to me. I also probably don't want most people I know to read this. But, as the days turn in to weeks, then months, than years, I look forward to the Sundays when it is just my husband and I and I can opt out of a Sunday worship that is not worship and opt into a Sunday of true worship.
    I think about a song by Sandy Patti from the 90's. "So I'm waiting for another time and another place. Where all my hopes and dreams will be wrapped up in Jesus face..."