I love baseball.  I love to watch it on tv, I love to go to a game.  This summer, when we go back to Illinois to visit my oldest son and my parents I hope to go to a Cubs game as well as a Rockford Riverhawks game.  About 2 years ago, my husband, daughter, youngest son, and a good friend all went to a Cubs game, and something about the atmosphere there struck me.  There was a feeling of ultimate camaraderie.  Although I only knew the other 4 people I was with, I felt like everyone there was on my side.  This got me to thinking, isn't this what Church should be like?  So I sat down and composed a list of reasons why going to Church should be like going to a baseball game.  It is not exhaustive, and I am sure if I had given myself more time I might be able to think up more.

Here are my reasons (in no particular order) why going to Church should be more like going to a baseball game:

1.  High fives when exciting things happen.  High fives for everyone, not just those you came with (this was an exciting part for my daughter.  Something exciting happened- the Cubs actually looked like they might do something ha,ha- and I looked over at my daughter who was high 5ing everyone around her).

2.  Everyone is excited to be there.  No one is there out of duty or obligation.

3.  Everyone sings loudly, regardless of ability.


4.  Food.  And cup holders in the seats.

5.  All ages are there together.  There is no "jr. baseball game" or "teen baseball game" going on at the same time.  Young and old are there cheering the team on together.


6.  No one cares if your child has to use the bathroom 5 times.  (This really happened to me.  Our son had to get up at least 5 times throughout the game.  I kept apologizing to the people down the row and they all said, "No problem! It's part of the game!")

7.  Love of the game is passed down from generation to generation.  This ties in to number 5.  How can you pass down something you love if you are not allowing your child or grandchild to see how much you love it and experience it with you?

8.  People cheer loudly when good things happen, and they suffer together when things don't go our way.



This is my list.  Can you think of any others?

"A conflict of interest"

     I am struggling here, people. I struggle with God on a weekly basis. I don't struggle about my faith. That was over years ago. No, I struggle about Church and what that means. This year has been hell. Hell. When you wake up one day and realize for the last 11 years you have been at a church that only wanted you there for what you could do for them, that no one ever really wanted you there for who you are, and when they don't like what your husband has said or done they turn their back on you. That is when you realize why they never cared about you, because then it is easy to turn away. That hurts. That is a deep hurt that doesn't go away. So you join another group of outcasts from the same group and they want to just repeat everything that has been done. It's a struggle. I am tired of struggling. I want to find a small group of people who are willing to sit together and pray. To take communion. To read the Bible. I don't want the fancy music and a thousand people. I just want a few.
     But that is not what the majority of the western world wants when it comes to church. And that is what makes me miserable each and every Sunday. Because I feel obligated to go with this group. If it were just me, I wouldn't be there. But it is my husband and my children that give me the obligation. Because he feels this is important. So, is it God that is making me uncomfortable, or Satan? That is why I struggle. Because if it were God, wouldn't my husband have this same struggle? But I can't get over the feeling that it is wrong. That I do not feel right about any of this.
     I know that I am guilty of some judgemental attitudes in regards to the people of this place that call themselves Christian. I see that they are having a big "Neighbourhood Block Party" and all I can think is, they just want more people to sit in the pew and give more money to pay off a building that they don't really need in the first place. I know I am not without sin here. So I struggle. I don't "feel" right about this. As I read scripture though, the Church I read about isn't like the Church we have here. And if we are about following scripture, shouldn't we be looking into this as well? So I struggle.
     Probably no one will read this, and that is ok- I am not even sure if any of this makes sense. But it makes sens to me. I also probably don't want most people I know to read this. But, as the days turn in to weeks, then months, than years, I look forward to the Sundays when it is just my husband and I and I can opt out of a Sunday worship that is not worship and opt into a Sunday of true worship.
    I think about a song by Sandy Patti from the 90's. "So I'm waiting for another time and another place. Where all my hopes and dreams will be wrapped up in Jesus face..."