Sacrifice, Patriarchy, Women, and Men

Just saw a study that said 90% of men will leave their partner if their partner is diagnosed with a long-term illness, and 10% of women do. It may seem surprising, but I don't really think it is. I've actually been thinking about what women sacrifice for their families that men don't, recently and have come to this conclusion:

A woman sacrifices her body for her children, and she risks her life for them. Every pregnancy is a risk on the mothers life. Every single one. No man can say this. No man can comprehend this. 

A woman sacrifices her wants for her families needs. The covid shutdown of 2020 showed this. Everyone stayed home, but more often than not, it was the woman who picked up the slack. It was the mother who ensured the children stayed the course with education. To the expense of her own job, her own health.

In a less dramatic way, most women sacrifice what they want in life for the peace of the family. She wants to go out? Better find a sitter. It comes down to the woman. Almost every time.

Patriarchy makes a man think he is incapable of  sacrifice. Or, maybe it's that it sets a man up to be incapable of sacrifice. It certainly sets a woman up to sacrifice pretty much anything and everything for a man. So, who does patriarchy serve? No one. Not a single human. But because it is so engrained in our culture, it is deemed that the man is strong, tough, capable and the woman is the weaker sex. But, just like in the movie Steel Magnolia's- in the end, it's the woman who remains. Tough, capable, and alone.

Down with the patriarchy.

whatever happened to peace?

Sitting in the backseat of the car. We're traveling home for our annual pilgrimage to Illinois, my youngest son is in the driver's seat this shift. As I sit here, I scroll through Facebook and am assaulted with images of ministers I went to school with and their guns, their wives in NRA t-shirts carrying NRA mugs. 

Memes talking about the second amendment rights everywhere, and "liked" by others I used to think I knew. 

Whatever happened to Jesus being the Prince of peace? Whatever happened to laying down our swords and carrying the cross of Christ?  

What has happened to Christianity? I don't recognize this form. I hate it. I am saddened by it. And it does noting but push me further away from them.

I can no longer associate...

 I grew up in a conservative church. I was taught the Bible was literally true. I learned "I'll be a sunbeam for Him..." "Jesus loves me..." and that a wise man "builds his house on the rock." I grew up learning that Jesus loved the least of these, that taking care of the poor was our obligation as a Christian. I remember learning about missionaries who went to bring Jesus to the poor masses who didn't even have 1 church in their whole country! (It didn't matter that there were plenty of churches in those other lands, because if they weren't members of our particular brand, were they even truly Christians?).

My point is, I believed it. I believed the words of Jesus when he gave his sermon on the Mount that the meek shall inherit the earth. I believed it when James taught us that "true religion that is blameless before God is to visit the widows and orphans and take care of them in their distress." 

Confession: I still believe that. I believe that Jesus was teaching us in the parable of the Good Samaritan that it is our job to help, not to question. It is our job to heal, not to hurt. But something happened along the way....

Something has happened to this "church" I thought I knew. It's become cold and hard. It's become fearful of the world. It's gone from following Christ to following political leaders. It's gone from giving to Ceasar what is Ceasars, to questioning which Ceasar, and never leaning into God for wisdom. There are so many rationalizations out there. God Guns and America has overtaken "In as much as you've done it to the least of these..." The sermons are loud, the accuasations are plenty. And I feel like, somewhere along the way I blinked and lost sight.

My heart hurts for it. I am not sure the Church in N. America, or my heart, will ever recover.

The Church I thought I knew is gone. I don't think she will ever come back.

Discouragement

Ican honestly say, my entire church experience in Prince Edward Isand has been nothing but disappointment, discouragement, frustration, and anger. So glad my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

But the greatest of these is love...

In the past few months I have un-liked and un-followed a variety of Christian pages on Facebook and Twitter. Some have been more liberal leaning and some have been more conservative leaning. While they have differing opinions, they all claim Christ. They all claim that their position is based on scripture. I 'joined' each sight because I believed that they each had something important to say. They each had a view that I thought would at least allow me to critically reflect upon my own view and interpretation of scripture. I like to be challenged, and I thought that they might do that for me.
Instead, they did other things for me. They all made me realize one thing: I now understand why the Church, whether liberal or conservative, has quickly become irrelevant to our society.

The conservatives come across angry, mean, and un-loving. On one sight, I read an article by a young woman who worked for a time in the abortion industry and was now working on the pro-life side. It was an interesting article, and the young woman seemed honest and sincere, really wanting to help other women. Then I read the comments on the article. Many sounded just like this: "I hope you burn in Hell for all of the death and destruction you have caused." Wow. Whatever happened to love?

The liberals come across snarky, condescending, and intolerant. If you disagree with them, you are a knuckle-dragging caveman. On one sight they had posted a picture of a "redneck" and claimed he was a typical frequenter of a certain fast food chain that serves chicken and is closed on Sundays. When one poster sent a message that basically said it was unkind and stereotypical, the sight posted the comment, called the commenter a "concerned troll" and invited everyone to bash this person- which many did. When anyone defended the poster, they too were called a troll and belittled. Wow. Whatever happened to love?

I know why the Church is irrelevant. It is because we are so busy bashing each other, spreading hatred and anger. Because if that is how we treat each other- how much worse will we treat others? Why would anyone want to be a part of that? We have forgotten what Paul encouraged us in 1 Corinthians:

The Way of Love
13 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient and fkind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, eendures all things.
8 Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.
13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

ESV — 1 Corinthians 13

Thank you Francis Chan

Thank you Francis Chan.
I have heard this sermon a few times before, but it never hit me as it did today. "Rejoice in the Lord" isn't a suggestion, but a commandment. When I don't have all of the answers, when I am prone to worry instead of giving it over to God, when I pray and still worry (which is my go-to attitude more often than not), I am not trusting the God of the universe. And that is my problem.
So, God, thank you for the reminder that all is in your hands. Thank you for caring about me more than I care about myself or even my own family.
Thank you.

(video uploaded on May 19th at 10:22 am. When I should have been getting ready for church ;)  )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmZcXSORV0M

Trusting God when you have absolutely no control, counting my blessings...Or not.

There is an ironic-ness in the title of this post. Because does anyone really have any control over anything? As a Christian I have to say no. God is the one in control. But I do enjoy having the illusion of control in my life. That is, until my children are concerned.
I have 3 children. I love them with my whole heart, but I wish they would have stayed 10, 8, and 6, respectively, forever. But, they are 20, (almost) 18, and (almost) 16, and I am panicky. The oldest is finishing up his second year of college and is transferring to a larger school in September. The middle is getting ready to go away to college in the fall. The youngest is still home for 2 more years, so I actually don't feel so panicky about him.
But the other 2, that is totally another topic! Especially the middle one, our daughter. I am panicky over financial aid. I know, in the grand scheme of things, 10 years from now, it really won't be that big of an issue. Sure, she will be paying back her schooling for the rest of her life, but at least it will be settled. Right?
Right now I am caught up in the recurring topic of what ifs... But I am really tired of it.
Those of us with obsessive personalities understand this. I don't want to worry, I am tired of worrying, I will not worry any longer...but what if... And so it goes.
I look up inspiring thoughts on the internet and what I get is Francis Chan telling me I am ego-centric and sinful because I think my problem is bigger that God, my life is more important than God's will. OK, I don't really need to hear that right now. It doesn't inspire me to stop worrying. It actually makes it worse.
 I think I should pray about it. But then I think that all of my prayers lately have been about, "God help me do this. God make this better..." and I realize what a sinful creature I am and so unworthy. Then I give up. Of course the rational side of me knows better. Knows that God isn't like that. But my upbringing has a stronger effect on me than the truth of scripture (in my upbringing it was, "Jesus is coming soon, make sure you are always right with God. Make sure you never have any unconfessed sin or you'll go to Hell." Grace? That's for the new believer, not for those of you brought up in the faith...).
Which leads me to where I am now. A control freak without control. Someone who needs to remember the blessings in my life (of course, that leads me to think I have had nothing but a blessed life, so who am I to think that it can continue...).
Last year, I chose for my Word of the Year: Trust. I really thought I had a handle on that. I thought I had finally gotten to the point that I understood what it means to trust in God with my whole heart and to lean not on my own understanding. But I guess I didn't. Because here I am a year later sick with worry over something I need to trust God with. Plus, it isn't my life, but my daughter's. And she needs to learn these life lessons.
It is Mother's Day 2013.  I will go back to my word of the year from 2012. Trust. And I re-think my word of the year for 2013. I am changing it from Risk, to Prayer. I will re-learn how to trust in God, and I will commit to more prayer about everything not just my want-things.
And I will learn to trust again.